One of the things that I remember from my growing up days was that it was inevitable that my dad and uncles were going to find things to tease me about. Most of it was good-natured fun and was considered part of growing up in our family and a rite of passage. For example, the first time you brought a girlfriend to a family function, you knew you were in for a good ribbing. I had to have a pre-date discussion to prepare the poor, unsuspecting girl on how to take the teasing we would inevitably get at family gatherings.
But I guess what goes around comes around, because I find myself doing the same thing to my children and grandchildren. As my daughter tells me, “Dad, you know how you are!” Recently, I found occasion to wind up our oldest grandson, Caleb. He is playing 8th grade football and we went to see him play. He did get in to play very much on this evening and I commented that he must have been spending too much time checking out the cheerleaders and the coach thought he wasn’t paying attention.
But then his mother told us that he had a girlfriend and she wasn’t a cheerleader. No sooner had she said that then a young girl walked by with a team sweatshirt with Caleb’s last name printed on the back. She never did come over and say hello and I wondered if maybe Caleb had warned her about his wacky grandfather who is liable to say anything to her.
Of course after the game I had to give Caleb the business a bit. I said, “Hey, there is a young girl here wearing your sweatshirt. I think that the reason why the coach didn’t put you in the game very much tonight is because he figures that if a little girl like that can throw you down and take your t-shirt away and steal your lunch money, you aren’t tough enough to play football.” I just got the teenage eye-roll for that comment. He knew I was just trying to wind him up.
As I said, most of the teasing we had growing up was all in fun, but not all of it. There were times when a jab pulled flesh out with it when withdrawn. You can usually feel the difference from good fun and something with anger and harmful intent.
Some of my relatives and classmates were skilled in using sarcasm, which is really just sideways anger. A person makes a cutting remark and if they are called out on it, say that they were “just kidding” and “can’t you take a joke?” But it wasn’t a joke — it hurt. It was a cowardly way of being mean, without being accountable.
Good-natured teasing is a way of showing people that we like them and view them as important. But we must be careful how we do it.
